Mom, Can We Go to Church More Often?

A couple weeks ago, I had to bring Firstborn to the dermatologist for a checkup. He has a number of moles she is keeping an eye on. He gets very talkative in her office. Usually she encourages him because of the amazing things that come out of his mouth. Amazing sometimes because they are profound and other times because they are outrageous.

The end result is that I sit through the whole procedure on pins and needles.

We left Lastborn in the waiting room and he forgot to bring entertainment for himself. But when I left, he was doing calisthenics, his latest thing. Luckily, no one else was waiting.

The doctor who owns the practice is very religious. He has pictures of Jesus and the little children all over the office and religious pamphlets all over the waiting room.

As Firstborn and I waited in the exam room, he started his talking routine. He got onto the subject of how mean I am because I won't let him drink Gatorade more than once a month. After all, all the other kids do it.

Mom: "So if all the other kids jumped off a bridge, does that mean you should?"
Firstborn: "Well, it depends on how high the bridge is and if there are jagged rocks at the bottom or deep water. I'm a pretty good swimmer."
I thought for a moment and countered with, "Just because lots of people voted for George Bush in the previous election, doesn't mean it was a good idea."

Firstborn thought for a moment, smiled and said, "You got me on that one."

At this point, the doctor arrived and I had to start worrying about what he would say. We were doing well, until he had to repeat the George Bush joke. How many times do I have to explain that not everyone has the same political views as us...

So we get through this appointment and I'm pretty happy that he hasn't gotten everyone upset. We are waiting in line to pay for the appointment when Lastborn walks into the office and says at the top of his lungs, "Mom, Can we start going to church more often?"

The receptionist is watching me to see my reaction. I'm reeling because I thought I had gotten through the hard part of this doctor visit.

"We'll talk about it in the car," I reply.
"You don't want to go to church." Firstborn says with emotion.
"But this thing says that if I go to church I'll live longer," Lastborn says waving a pamphlet in our faces. "I want to live longer."
"They are just getting you to go to church so they can get more money out of you." Says firstborn.
"We'll talk about it in the car." I say with more emphasis.
Red in the face, I pay my bill, get my new appointment and try to slink out of there.
Again, Lastborn shouts, "Can we start going to church more often?"

We get in the car, and I close the doors tightly and shut the windows before shouting at them about embarrassing their mother in public. They both find this very funny.

Lastborn starts reading excerpts from the pamphlet and Firstborn explains how there is no God and it's all a scam to get money from people. Where did I get these kids?