school projects

I know they mean well, multi-sensory learning and all that. But these projects have got to go. They become like viruses, spreading from one classroom to the next, from one elementary school to the next until they become the district project. And we parents spend our time connecting the contagion path until we find the source of the virus and heap our dislike on that particular teacher.

Case in point, the brown bear project in 4th grade. It started as a project where the kids had to write a book using the pattern of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? A truly annoying storybook that all K teachers read. Only for the 4th grade project, they had to change the words to Washington, DC, Washington, DC, What Do You See? Altogether too much punctuation for one project. The book had to include pictures of at least 10 attractions in DC, at least 5 of which should be hand drawn by the budding genius.

OK, so it's neat. But my son had to do one in 3rd grade too. Revolution, Revolution, What Do You See? Oh come on. Though he did enjoy drawing pictures of bloody battles in which the only color used on the page was red for the blood. I knew the Washington, DC project was coming up because this was one of those projects where one 4th grade teacher starts the idea and they all think it's just so cute, they have to do it in their class too. So now, it's expanding to 3rd grade.

I was just recovering from the Washington, DC book when Lastborn brings home a project they did in 1st grade. Mayflower, Mayflower, What Do You See? Sigh. Can anyone have an original thought?

The next wonderful project to attract my ire is what our school refers to as The Land Form Project. In 3rd grade, each child must study a land form and either make a poster depicting that land form or make a diorama of that land form. My next door neighbor's son got a plain. How exciting. Of course everyone in the class wants to do the volcano; parents included. But only 2 volcanoes are allowed per class or it would soon turn into "The Volcano Project." Firstborn chose caves. He had lots of data to base his report on and really knew his stuff. Of course, with this type of project, it is really hard as a parent, not to take over. It is fun. So Firstborn fought to do the project by himself and, you guessed it, he was one of the only kids who did.

As an aside, these are exactly the types of projects that simply don't get done by kids who's parents are not involved in their schooling. The boy down the road who has had DSS called on him because of excessive missed days of school (in third grade) didn't turn any project in. I can imagine this. He gets no academic help from his parents and he's being asked to do a report for which he knows that most of the kids are turning in a project built by their mom and dad. Why should he even try and how would he know how to begin.

The Land Form Project has pretty much stayed within our school walls, but give it a year or two and it will become a curriculum requirement for 3rd grade.

The latest this year is the Bottle Buddy Project in which the 4th graders must read a biography about an American and write an oral report about the book. Then they must create a model of that person using a 2 litre soda bottle. In our school, they can't buy doll clothes to clothe the bottle, and they can't spend a lot of money on supplies. Firstborn read about Hershey. His bottle buddy will be sitting in front of a giant Hershey kiss and the paper strip from the kiss will have his story summary printed on it. The summary has to be in some way attached to the bottle buddy. This was all his idea, but somehow I am supposed to navigate him through this process without doing any of the work myself. Somehow, Firstborn is supposed to make clothes to fit a 2 litre bottle. And one of the grading points is "does the project look like it was made entirely by the student?" Ha. Let's see what gets turned in.

And yes, The Bottle Buddy project has become a district-wide project. Because, you see, there is so much educational value in dressing a 2 litre bottle.

Correction/retraction

No double entendre was meant in the last post about polishing the wand. Though it is rather funny.

-ology

Firstborn has discovered the -ology books. Dragonology, Wizardology, Piratology, and so on. These are the perfect books for him; a combination of reference and fantasy that every geeky little boy would love. Plus, they have cool gems on the cover and sometimes, pockets and foldouts. All in all, a wonderfully enjoyable read.

The downside is that the reference format in which they are written can be confusing to a 10 year old boy. He believes in dragons. He's sure they exist in Europe and Asia and Canada. And after all the titles Egyptology and Pirateology are further proof since Egyptians and pirates did exist. He did have a dragon egg on his Christmas list. Funny how Santa couldn't find one.

I have a high tolerance for this blurred line as long as he isn't going on and on about his fantasies. I count my blessings that it's just dragons and wizardry he believes in and I share his interest in fantasy literature enough to enjoy the times we can talk about common book interests.

This month, Firstborn was given a copy of the Magic Wandmaker's Guide. Another in the -ology series. This one comes with the equipment used to make a magic wand. Firstborn is thrilled with not only the results of the kit but also the stories. It has made for some fun tales from the minivan. I was driving him home from school the day he got the book. He was pouring over the pages, barely breathing and I asked him if he was excited to make his own wand.

I have to read the whole book first. If I don't, there may be dire consequences. I wouldn't want to age thirty years.

"Huh? I replied."

"Well, the book talks about a guy who didn't read the whole guide and mixed the kinds of wood he used in his wand. The wand caused a fissure in the universe and he aged 30 years in one minute. I wouldn't want that to happen to me."

"Well, certainly. " I replied as if this all made sense.

Then yesterday, I noticed he had the wand while we were waiting for the bus. Firstborn already gets picked on a bit by the kids at school. The last thing we need is for him to show up in his goggles or carrying his wand. So I reminded him he couldn't bring toys to school and asked if he wanted me to bring it back to the house for him.

"No way. No one else can hold my wand. If the wand comes into someone else's hands, their aura can damage it."

He's been fiercely protecting and hiding the wand from his little brother. I'm thinking maybe making a wand case for it might be in order.

Oh. And he wants to know how to polish the wand. Apparently, the power is greater if the tip is polished. Last night he asked me how to polish a wand.

snow day?

A big storm was predicted for today. First it was rain, mixed with snow. The next day it was up to 2 inches in our area. The next it was three to six. The numbers kept increasing till we were hearing that we would get a foot of snow today on the 12th of April.

I have two theories about the weather reporting in the Greater Boston area.

1) They use a football pool method. Each meteorologist picks a random square and one will end up being right or at least close.
2) Our local grocer (DeMoula's Market Basket) pays them to forecast big snowstorms whenever it needs to bring up its profits a bit. Every storm ends up being forecast as "the next blizzard of '78." They all look like fools the day after, but none lose their jobs.

Well we prepared last night. We tried everything we could to make a snow day.

We wore our PJs inside out.
We put a spoon under our pillow.
We did the snow day dance.

And now, for the first time in the blogosphere, you too can see the snow day dance.

Lastborn went first:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=447209251173810968


Then, Firstborn had his chance:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3336139426875483111


But, alas. Not enough snow to close the schools. Lastborn cried. Firstborn has become used to the disappointment. They are both looking forward to "fog days" in Ohio.

The hustle and bustle of 4th grade. An essay

I possitively, absolutely dislike school! I have to wake up at five o'clock. I have to hurry to hockey at five o'clock! and I have school at nine (I usually have to climb the chimney). I guess it kind of qualifies for quality. I can't deny that usually I am pretty funny. It's not the teachers or anything, I just hate school!

Mom's note: while this paragraph doesn't hold well together, you've got to give him credit for the topic and clincher sentences. And how would you fit chimney into that topic if it were you?

Blog on

As always, she says it so much better than I.

http://norling.blogspot.com/2007/03/you-cant-stand-up-to-pee.html

This was an early paragraph by Firstborn.


I can't wait to go to the Great Barrier Reef! I can't wait to see the tentacled species and other animals! What if I discover a new school of fish, because people say that seventy five percent of the worlds' areas are submerged in water and that we've only discovered fifteen percent. What if I could save an endangered species?! I just can't get my mind off going to the coral reef with my brother!

a lastborn moment

Yesterday, I had a lot of house prep tasks on my list. The boys had already spent Good Friday hooked up to their respective electronic devices and I decided it was time to put them to work.
I called them to my bedroom where I explained that if they wanted to be able to buy a big house in Ohio, we would need to do lots to clean up this house so that people would want to spend lots of money on it. This lit up Firstborn's face as predicted. Lastborn was not quite so interested.

I listed off the tasks that they could do for me. Clean their room, put away the folded laundry. Vacuum the stairs, clean out my car... To each Firstborn offered to help. He's earning money for a skateboard and a game device, so he is incented. Lastborn sat quietly until the last job, packaging up the bottles and cans for return, was listed. Silence from both boys. I asked Firstborn again thinking I could divvy up the jobs Firstborn had claimed to make it more even. But he complained that working the bottles and cans made his back hurt.

So, I looked to Lastborn who gave me that, "you're not going to put me to work are you?" look.

Looks like you have bottles and cans then.

He acquiesced and we proceeded to the garage to give the instruction. This is Lastborn's first time on bottle duty. I showed him the trash can where we store the rinsed bottles and cans and I gave him a couple of trash bags and boxes to fill the bottles and cans so we can transport them to the grocery store. He happily began his task and I moved on to a painting job.

A while later I came across him washing his hands. I noticed that the knees on his pants were grimy.

"how did your knees get so dirty," I asked.
"It's a long story," he replied head bowed.

Note to Lastborn: If you want to avoid explaining an incident to your mother, the phrase "It's a long story is not the way to do it. Mom loves long stories.

"come on, tell me. I'd love to hear it."
"No!"

The more he protests, the more I think, this has to be a good one.

Firstborn gets in on the action.

"Tell me!" he says.
Still Lastborn remains mum.

I leave the room and hear the two of them talking in conspiratorial tones. I wait for the talking to subside and return to the room. Now Firstborn looks really guilty. He says, "I know the story now, but I'm not telling. And it wasn't very long."

I smile, "I knew that. But what happened."
With a mixture of amazement and disgust, Firstborn relays that Lastborn, having emptied the trash barrel as far as his almost 7 year old arms could reach, then tipped the can over and crawled in to get the last ones out. Even a barrel full of rinsed bottles and cans can have some residual soda in it. So the knees were covered with soda and dirt.

Lastborn then announced that this was a very dirty job and he should be on the TV show, Dirty Jobs.

Maybe next time, I will show him how to tip the cans out of the trash bin instead of crawling in. But you can imagine after him seeing the TV show Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe crawling into all sorts of dirty confined spaces, that this must be what I had in mind.

Add this to the list of possible future careers for Lastborn. At least it's better than starring role in Puppetry of the Penis.