In which I am reminded that they are not the same person.

Way back in college, I had these two roommates who were polar opposites. One was always depressed and telling me how sad her life was, and the other was always happy, and excited, and bouncing off the walls. I found the contrast too much to deal with, and while I truly liked both women, I could not live with them. I moved into a room with a single roommate and life resumed its normal flows. Interestingly enough, the two polar opposites became best of friends, and without me to buffer them from each other, they both evolved into normally emotive individuals.

I'm thinking of this while sitting on the sofa with my two boys watching TV and winding down for the night. To my left, Lastborn tightly clutches my arm and tries to melt into me. He is very cuddly and loving and needs a certain amount of hugs and tickles all day in order to make it through. On my right, Firstborn barely touches me, resting his head lightly on my shoulder; no other part of his body touches me. He doesn't really like to cuddle or need to cuddle.

In fact, Firstborn would have little to do with touching me until Lastborn came along and would not be physically separated from me. Firstborn sensed that this constant touch was some sort of threat and he began to sit on the arm of the easy chair with me while Lastborn nursed or cuddled. It was interesting and somewhat uncomfortable to see Firstborn cuddle. He was never a natural at it. He never really relaxes while Lastborn almost melts into me. This was all explained when Firstborn was diagnosed when he was 7. He just doesn't like any kind of sensory input. Touching is uncomfortable for him, but he needs to know that his mom loves him and feels competitive with his little brother. So, I accept what he gives me and try to nurture him in other ways besides touch.

It is as odd to have this asymmetrical feeling of contact while they cuddle as it was years ago to deal with the depression and the Pollyanna all in one room. I'm not moving out this time, but I can't help but scratch my head wondering where these two boys came from.