The tooth fairy gets impaled while retrieving a tooth

I've been very busy with work deadlines and not writing half the stories I want to write. But, I'll take a minute for this one because it is just too rich.

Last night, Lastborn was working on a loose tooth. He worked so hard, the tooth was bleeding quite a bit. This scared him. But he kept working on it. I told him that if he wanted to, he could leave it be a while, and try again later.

"But what if it falls out while I'm sleeping. Won't I choke?"
"No," I replied, always the voice of reason. "It's too small to choke on. More likely you'll swallow it. Then you'll have to wait until the next day when you poop to get the tooth to give to the tooth fairy."

He looked sideways at me, a little worried. Then he replied. "No way! Will you get it out of the toilet for me?"
"No!!! I don't do that."

Noticing that he looked really worried now, I offered him this consolation.
"Don't worry, the Tooth Fairy fetches teeth out of the toilet if she needs to."
He wasn't buying it though and he kept working on the tooth convinced that he had to get it out right now! And of course he did.

That's when it hit me. We just bought a loft bed for his room with a double bed underneath. The idea here being that we want lots of places for long distance guests to stay with us, he would love to sleep in a loft bed and we should have room for sleepovers as well.

What was I thinking? On top of this, the order got messed up and the mattress for the double bed never came. Instead, there's just a bunkie board. Not enough for me to walk on to get to Lastborn's pillow. Yes, his pillow is on the wall side of this behemoth contraption. And the bunkie board is a bunch of thin slats of wood on a wooden frame all surrounded by a cloth cover. Each slat is not strong enough to take the weight of a person standing on it. It's meant to have a mattress on it.

DH immediately saw the dilemma when he came home later and I told him that Lastborn was now sleeping with a tooth under his pillow.

"Well where did he put it?" he asked.
"Under his pillow of course," I replied.

DH rolled his eyes as if I should have come up with a better plan.
"I tried. I told him that he should put it at the foot of his bed so the Tooth Fairy could get it more easily, but he insisted that she can fly just fine to his pillow."
"Well, did you at least see where he put it?"
"Of course. I made him show me. It's in the middle of his pillow."
"Well, I'm not dealing with it," was all he replied. Then a minute later. "I can just see this. You're going to come crashing down while trying to find the tooth. We haven't even been here a month and we're already gonna end up at the emergency room."

Such faith.

So at bedtime, I fished a crisp dollar out of my wallet and climbed the stairs to Lastborn's room. I turned on the hall light and crept into his room. Very carefully, I stepped onto the frame of the bunkie board to approach the head of his bed. Suddenly a sharp jabbing pain hits my toe. It feels like I've just been stabbed with the end of a staple. I can't scream.

With the other foot, I step forward to position myself closer to his pillow. My right toe is still stapled to the bunkie board. It's fairly dark even with the hall light. There's just enough light to see outlines.

He's sleeping facing the hall, head centered right over the tooth. Not good. I reach my hand carefully under his pillow and then I think I see his eyes open. It's too late for me to duck down and with my arm wedged between the bars of his loft bed, I probably can't maneuver myself low enough to be hidden anyway.

"Are you awake?" I ask innocently.

After a pause, he says, "No." and closes his eyes again.

"Well, I'm just going to pull your covers up a bit" I say. Weak excuse. I reach up with my other hand over the bars and pull up his cover while reaching for the plastic baggie that holds the tooth with my right hand under his pillow.

Feeling very smart right now, I begin to retract my right hand from under his pillow, only to find that it's stuck at the elbow between the bars. A little wiggling and my now-bruised elbow is free and I slip the dollar under his pillow with no further interruptions.

Remember, my right toe is still attached to the bunkie board with a staple.

I carefully step backwards finding the frame of the bunkie board with my left foot. Slowly I detach my right toe from the bunkie board. and step onto the carpet.

The white carpet! Am I bleeding?

Thankfully, no. I limp downstairs to tell DH all about it. I'm very proud now. No crashing. No ER visits. No blood. But my toe hurts like hell.