Growing Up, Growing Out?

The problem with a kid like firstborn is that in his efforts to fit in and adapt to his world, data gets lost. On the one hand, this makes my life infinately easier. On the other, it makes his infinately harder.

Firstborn has always been able to come up with adaptive behaviors. So much so that before we had him professionally tested for SI, he didn't look much like an SI kid. And when we did look at behaviors, I would never have marked him as defensive. He seemed more seeking or mixed to me than defensive.

That was one of the wonderful things about testing. I was able to learn that some of his behaviors were covering up a deep defensiveness. Take for example the fact that Firstborn never commented on smells. It's not that he couldn't smell things. Quite on the contrary, he could smell only too well. But his lack of reaction or commenting on smells stemmed from his efforts to ignore something that bothered him.

Another example is in the handwriting arena. I thought he had good handwriting in K and first grade. Indeed, it looked very nice. The problem was, he was gripping the pencil really hard and pressing down really hard in order to numb his fingers so that he wouldn't have to feel the touch of the pencil. Hmmm. The imprint goes through 6 sheets of paper and the edges of the sheet curl up.

As Firstborn grows up, he learns new coping skills. It's easy to think he is growing out of this disorder. His nervous system is catching up or exposure to sensory input is increasing his ability to organize his reactions. I find, however, that I really need to be more aware and open with him, because in some cases, he is simply internalizing his differences and developing conclusions that might not be true.

Take yesterday, for example. One of our first really warm days and both boys were wearing shorts and short sleaved shirts. As a toddler, these transitions would bring one or two rough mornings as Firstborn struggled to organize in his brain the new input of the different clothing. Either he was feeling breezes on his hairs that he could neither ignore or reconcile or he was feeling the touch of fabric on his skin. I have not heard the complaints since he has been able to dress himself, but I do notice a reluctance to change seasons. I figured that the SI issues were the main reason for this, but he insisted that fashion was driving his clothing decisions.

Yesterday though, that cover was blown. He complained about his shorts being too short. They hung just above his knees. Shorter than the current fashion, but not short enough to be mocked by his peers. So I asked him why he thought they were too short.

"It feels funny," he replied. I can feel the wind on my hairs.

So I explained SI to him and why it made him feel funny. My hope is that in understanding what is going on with him, he can logically work his mind around some of the new sensations. I also hope that he will be able to communicate with me when sensory input is bothering him. I told him about when he was a toddler and would throw tantrums pulling his sleeved down to his wrists to avoid the feeling of air on his arms. He thought that was pretty funny.

So while he is growing up, he's not really growing out of SI.