Which European city

Charmaine, Shall we go together?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Test answers that should get full credit

But don't...

The question:
Is the story "Sunken Treasure" a fiction or nonfiction story? Explain how you know.
Answer:
Nonfiction. Because we saw a movie about it, so there's proof.

At 9 years the line between fact and fiction is still every so faint. It has taken us the last 4 years to convince him that cartoons are fictional. We have succeeded there. But movies with actors are fact in his world.

And to make matters worse, he has found the book Dragonology. This is a wonderful imaginative "reference" book on all things dragon. Because of the writing style, I can't convince him that it is all made up. He is convinced that it is fact.

Further proof that he will grow up to be a republican.

Ooh. Did I really say that?

Things I never thought I'd hear myself say

Again. That's two in one week.

"Pay attention and stop eating the grass!"

At a baseball game in which Lastborn thought it would be fun to eat large quantities of grass instead of play in the outfield as assigned.

I know that it won't make him throw up like it will the cat and I fondly remember chewing on a blade of tall grass as a child, but handfuls?

This is not OK.

Things I never thought I'd hear myself say

Lastborn! Come down off that stop sign!

My husband wears pink underwear

Imagine the hit's I'll get from that title!

There is a story behind that though. Isn't there always?

My husband is the big Italian macho type. So imagine how hard I laughed when he admitted to me that he had washed the kid's red velvet magician's cape with the whites.

We won't even mention the number of times that I have tried to explain to him the reason for washing whites, lights and darks separately. Some people must learn things for themselves. I wonder if he envisions himself in his flashy new pink underwear everytime he's sorting the laundry.

He's laughing about it now. He feels he's man enough to pull of the pink underwear thing. My son's on the other hand are having a harder time with it.

At first I found a few pairs of carefully folded socks on the floor. Never worn. Simply pulled out of the drawer and tossed aside in disgust.

DH and I were looking forward to the day Firstborn would confront us about the pink underwear, but surprisingly, it was Lastborn who seemed to have the bigger problem with the feminine article.

WHY did you put Pink socks in my drawer!

Talk to Daddy about that.

WHY did Daddy put pink socks in my drawer. I mean, why would he THINK I would WANT to wear pink socks. What! Is he Crazy?

No. He just has a problem sorting laundry. Besides, even his underwear is pink. He's still wearing it.

Daddy wears pink underwear? I've gotta see that. Wait! I don't have any pink underwear do I?

Yes, you have at least one pair of pink underwear.

WHY did you buy me Pink UNderwear?

I didn't! Daddy dyed them. He made a mistake. You'll live. Besides who's going to see your underwear? I hope no one's going to see your underwear. You don't go around kindergarten showing the kids your underwear do you?

No! What are you silly?

He was silent then.

But the next morning, I found a carefully folded pair of pink unworn socks in the hamper. We've made some progress. He's not just tossing them on the floor. Now, he's putting them in the hamper as fast as he can find them. Somehow, I don't think Lastborn feels he's man enough to pull off pink underwear.

spam title

I always like to share the hilarious subject lines from spam that I receive in my older email account. Usually, they are veiled references to erotica or random word strings. This one, however showed just how much the spammer knew about his client.

Subj: Casey, Clean freak -- this is for you

I just had to laugh.

Vacation Finds

A couple of weeks ago, I joined my friends from Mothers & More for a quiet kidless weekend away in Kittery Maine. Of course, what is there to do in Kittery Maine but shop. A couple of stores were rather entertaining. I wish I had gotten pictures.

First funny. A store with upscale decorating and art pieces. In one corner, stainless steel rods bent into inspirational words. Including love, laugh, create, inspire, floss.

Yes, that's right. Floss. It's a new inspirational saying. Imagine what you can do in this world if you just floss!

In another store, they must have heard that they had to carry toys. Because along a 5 foot stretch of wall they had some neatly arranged packages of figurines. Only two or three to choose from. The wall looked rather bare; like they searched and searched for appropriate toys, but could only find:
A figurine of Darth Vader
A figurine of the riddler
A figurine of Moses

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what message they are trying to convey with those three choices.

Deep thoughts

My peers in the mothering world are beginning to navigate the world of orthodontics. And it brings the question to mind for me:

Why is it that we Americans feel we have the right to criticize the ancient Chinese right of binding a woman's feet but we feel no similar outrage at the practice of widening a child's bite or palette to make room for more teeth. In the end, aren't both practices for appearances?

One could argue that the act of binding a woman's feet is also crippling whereas the act of placing hardware in a child's mouth to widen the set of the jaw is to improve the fit and therefore efficiency of the jaw. But something about the practice brings the same horror to my mind.

We'll see how I feel when presented with these same dental problems in my own kids. . .

Our retirement is assured...

The other day, I heard a strange rattling from Firstborn as he left the bathroom.

Mother: Firstborn? Do you have marbles in your pockets?
Firstborn: Yes.

Mother: Take them out. You can't take marbles to school.

He pulls handful after handful out of his pocket. Now the other side of his pants seems to be hanging low.

Mother: Do you have marbles in the other pocket?
Firstborn: No!

But there is a look in his eyes and the corners of his mouth are turning up. So I reach into the other pocket, and pull handfull after handful of marbles out of that one too. While pulling the last marble out of that pocket, I notice that I can still feel marbles but not in the pocket. These are cargo pants and they have pockets on top of pockets. So I go through the same process in both outer pockets.

I must have collected about 100 marbles from his pockets. No wonder he had asked for a belt earlier that morning.

Mother: Why do you feel you need to bring so many marbles to school?
Firstborn: I was going to sell them.
Mother: You can't sell marbles at school. You'll get in trouble.

You know how you get your best ideas on the toilet? Well, I do at least. So, I was sitting on the toilet a little later when the thought occurred to me. So I called out to him.

Mother: Hey firstborn! How much were you going to sell them for?
Firstborn: 25 cents each!
Mother: 25 cents! You can't sell them for a quarter, they cost less than a cent a piece? Who would buy them for a quarter each?
Firstborn: Lots of kids. I was giving them out yesterday and D and A and J all loved them and said they would even pay a quarter for them.

He's totally got the idea of loss leaders. 250% markup! It's a good thing he's generous because I'm going to retire in comfort.

Valentine Thoughts

This is my dear husbands idea of romantic email for Valentine's day.

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

Note: in searching the Washington Post, I could find no reference to this contest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
*************************
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
**************************
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

**************************
Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

****************************
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.

******************************
I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

*******************************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
-- Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

************************************
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife --
Marrying you screwed up my life.

************************************
I see your face when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.

*************************************
My love, you take my breath away --
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

*************************************
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go To Hell."

*************************************
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
-- Two parts vodka, one part lime!

*************************************

Snow Days

Snow days are such an important event in a child’s life. In the past 3 years, I have had fun enjoying them through Firstborn’s eyes. I don’t remember much the details of my own snow days. I vaguely remember listening to the radio to hear the school district listed on the school closings and getting really angry if someone would happen to talk as the announcer was reading the Ss. Of course then I would have to wait all the way through the alphabet for the Ss to come back around again. Sometimes it would be a 10 minute wait between readings. It seemed like an hour.

So, when Firstborn started first grade, we began a new tradition. He would come into the bedroom with me and we would watch the school closings together. In first grade I would read them important ones to him. Teaching him what our bordering town names were so that he could learn when to get excited. Ooh! Billerica is closed, that means we might be too! He often lost interest and I would have to shout out, Firstborn, they’re up to the Ss. You had better get in here so you don’t miss it! And then when our town was called, we’d cheer and do a happy dance. Big plans would be made for the day off and the TV in the living room would be switched on for a marathon viewing session.

Now that he is in 3rd grade and his reading is quite good, Firstborn likes to read the school closings himself. Only, he does them out loud. And he tries to read every school district listed. Those readers out there who are locals know that being a good reader does not necessarily mean you can read the names of Massachusetts towns. Phonics does not help.

First you have your old English names. Worchester, Leominster, etc.

Then you have your 20 syllable Native American Names, Tantasqua, Quinsigamond, Mattapoisett, etc

And then you have the law of conservation of Rs. You know, for every syllable from which you drop an R, you must randomly stick another R at the end of a word that ends in a vowel. Leaving the above mentioned Billerica to be pronounced Bill-ricker, not the pretty Bil-air-ic-a I had mistakenly called it 20 years ago when I first settled here.

Add to these perverse pronunciations, Firstborns remaining speech anomaly, the audible breath, and you can imagine how I just want to muzzle him on these mornings.

He has learned that Leominster is pronounced leminster. We don’t teach the alternative leminstah in our house. He seems unable to get over the Mattapoisett (think French). Thankfully, Quinsigamond comes after the Ts, so we don’t struggle through that one. Tantasqua seems to be the real difficulty to him. It always comes out as Taaaannnntaaaaa… Oh well. Tewksbury!!! Yay Tewksbury!!!! We’re closed! Then he does his happy dance and runs through the house letting Lastborn and his dad know of the good news. Frankly, I’m not even sure how Tantasqua is pronounced.

Invariably, Lastborn will come into my room at this point and ask, “Mom? Do I have school today?” I figure that by the time Lastborn figures out that they go to the same school and therefore have the same snow days, Firstborn will have moved on to the upper elementary and the rules won’t always apply.

Of course, today had to throw him yet another curve. We were 90 minutes delayed. Firstborn didn’t look that closely though. He only noticed that Tewksbury was on the list. But instead of watching through the whole list again (it was very long today), he went downstairs and checked out whdh.com.


Ahh, the new millennium. What a great time in which to live.

David Hasselhoff

I'm home today with Lastborn who has contracted not only strep, but also conjunctivitis.

So if the high levels of bacteria in my home were not enough to make me sick, I just followed this link from beancounter's blog.

Why, oh why did I follow this link?

Feeling a bit sick now.

PS. Do any other blogger.com users find it disturbing that blog is not recognized by the spell checker they include with their own product?

Funny Spam

I have an old email address that I have stopped using because the spam to real mail ratio just got to be too poor. I still check the address occasionally to make sure I didn't forget to update anyone on my new address.

Sometimes, when culling through the spam on this account an email header makes me laugh. This weeks winner:

loincloth petrification

And it wasn't for a sexual enhancement drug. Go figure!

Logic

Here's the math problem.

Kate is stringing a necklace with 9 beads. She wants to string the same color for the first and 9th bead. Another color for the 2nd and 8th bead and so on. Will there ever be 2 beads of the same color next to each other on the necklace? How did you figure this out?
I believe the exercise was to discover that 9 is not a multiple of 2 and therefore there could be no beads next to each other.

However firstborn looks at things a little deeper.

He kept telling me that there would be two together. So I asked him which two.

His response, beads 1 and 9.

It took me a minute to figure out that he had already tied the necklace ends together in his mind. I mean after all, it's a necklace. You will tie it together in the end, right? And when you do, there will be bead 1 and bead 9 right next to each other. She didn't say anything about the knot in the middle.

I told him to put down both answers.

Tales from the mini-van

It seems like we will go for weeks without a funny story. Then all of a sudden, there's material everywhere. The mini-van commute from place to place seems to be the most fertile ground. Of course, I seem to get the best quotes out of Lastborn when he is alone with me. That doesn't happen often now that he is in full time school.

So, today on the trek from his karate class to the church to pick up firstborn for CCD, we had occasion to discuss the reason why he had been dismissed early from Karate. It seems he and T had decided not to wait for their turn to spar and instead to just form a "ring" on the sidelines and begin their own match. Knowing this is not the greatest idea, I called his name. Now earlier that day, I had asked his teacher to please dismiss him if he misbehaved in any way because we are somewhat sick of paying big money to watch our child lie down on the floor or run around the room screaming. On hearing me call his name, she dismissed Lastborn and T. I felt a bit bad for Lastborn as it had been all T's idea. This time. And they had never been told clearly that they couldn't start their own match.

So I was explaining to Lastborn why it was not a good idea to spar when it wasn't his turn. I was also explaining that it didn't matter if the whole thing was T's idea. He had to think before he did what other kids suggested.

"I guess I'm just gullible," he said.

I couldn't help but laugh. He really knows what that word means. He got it from the Amanda show. Most of his good lines are quotes from TV shows. That still doesn't diminish their humor. It's all in the timing and this kid has timing of the Swiss variety.

Later, he was telling Firstborn about the experience.

"I don't know," he said. "It just came out of my head like a giant monster!"
"What came out of your head like a giant monster?" I asked.
"The idea of fighting with T."

I'm sure he got that from a TV show somewhere too, but to apply it to the idea of sparring with T. That's just too much.

Early fashion sense

Went to the mall with firstborn today. As we walked past the maternity shop, I noticed he was paying a lot of attention to the mannequins who were all sporting maternity T-shirts saying SALE in big red letters. Obviously the neatness of it all intrigued him. I wondered if he noticed the little bellies on the headless mannequins, until he said:
"Boy, those shirts sure make them look fat!"

"They're supposed to be pregnant," I replied.

"Oh!" Silence.

I guess he did notice.

Opinions needed

I'm having an issue with my son's teacher. I need your opinions.

My son has a learning disability. He does not understand verbal directions. Additionally, he has some issues with executive function. It is very difficult for him to remain organized. His desk is messy, he doesn't write reminders, he forgets things that need to be done. This is not a recognized diagnosis to the school even though we had a full review by professionals who wrote up a very good diagnosis and explanation.

Here's the problem. She has them write their assignments in a homework log. However, there are two spots on the board where she writes assignments. One area is for the night's assignments, spelling, grammar, math, etc and another spot is where she warns them of upcoming tests, long term assignments (LTAs), etc.

Each day about 1/2 hour before class lets out she tells them to get out their assignment books and write down the night's assignments. She assumes the kids will figure out to look at the long term section of the board and write those down too, but no directions are given to that effect at the time they are given to update the homework log.

So, he never writes down the long-term assignments. As a result, he often loses points on LTAs or does very badly on tests f0r which he did not study.

I met with her in November to explain the problem and to stress how important it was for Firstborn to learn to use his planner. I see the planner as a linchpin to his success in the future. I asked her in writing to please check his assignment book every day and insist that he take the time to correct it before he left for home.

For two days, she wrote the assignment for him. Then she would occasionally check to see that the entries were written neatly (also an issue).

One assignment in his planner for November was to complete a "states project." The date came and he insisted it was not due. I wrote her a note and she told me that it was indeed not due then. No notes to that affect in the book? For weeks, I looked for the "states project" to show up again in the book. Nada.

A week ago, he came home with a note saying that the states project was "missing." He should turn it in on Jan 12th. OK. So we work on the project and he brings it in on the 12th. To be told that he had missed a step and should turn it in the next day when he completed. He turned it in today. It was sent back to us. On the back in red pen was written 100 - 20 for being 20 days late = 80.

I've looked through that planner to find the "States Project" and it does not exist except for that date months ago that turned out to be a fake.

Now I know that missing 20 points for being so late is not a big deal. I know that a B is nothing to complain about. But a B because this teacher is too lazy to teach him a skill his future will depend on is just infuriating to me. It's like refusing to teach a blind child Braille.

And by the way, he does not know that I'm planning on raking her over the coals for this. He never will.

So the questions are:

Do you think I'm being overprotective?
Do you see some other way for him to learn to rely on his planner and develop the skills he needs to organize his life?
Do you see this as a typical developmental stage for a 3rd grade boy and he'll work through it?
How nasty do you think I should be with her?

Thinking outside of the box

remcat, meet Charmaine. Charmaine, meet remcat.

Both good friends of mine who have children who would rather sleep in a box than in a nice soft bed. Seems this affliction cannot be linked to either sex or type of box.

Charmaine, the good news is that remcat's son did grow out of his box sleeping habit. I believe it was sometime after he grew out of the box, but at least his wife won't have to kiss him goodnight just before shutting the lid.

I hope you both have pictures.

Budinskette

Lastborn has an understanding of English that I didn't expect from a 5 year old. Maybe because Firstborn has developed a much stronger understanding of math and engineering and much less of English and conversation.

At 5, as is expected, Lastborn has an understanding of knock-knock jokes and makes up his own. Although his attempts do not result in particularly funny jokes, it is fun to watch him make the attempt. He has already surpassed Firstborn in his ability to create jokes. Perhaps that's the literal bent that Firstborn takes on his world. Being literal can make wordplay difficult. It does make creation of the next supercomputer easy though. So we are not complaining. Suffice it to say that they are very different children and that makes them more surprising and fun to be around. Raising Lastborn is truly a new experience, not a repeat of what we have already done.

All this to say, I was quite surprised by his ability to twist the language yesterday morn. Coming downstairs after my shower, I greeted him with a "hey there, Budinski." Just a nick-name we use around the house when we are joking around. His response??

"Hey there Budinskette!"

Then he went on to tell me that -ette is the ending for a girl, and since I'm a girl, I'm a Budinskette.

Later that day, he chanted the spelling of Mississippi. Remember that 6 months ago, he still couldn't sing his ABCs. He felt that Q-Z were overkill and would jump right from P to Now I know my ABCs. Now he can recognize every letter in a word and his dictionary of readable words is growing every day.

Explotation

Yes, that is the correct spelling.

The other day, Lastborn was playing with his new Lego ExoForce set. He had taken all the robot characters apart and they lay in a pile on the toybox.

"They exploded," he exclaimed! They exploded and they are laying in a pile of explotation.

"Explotation?" I replied. "What's explotation?"

"It's when something explodes and then makes a mess."

"You mean like the toys on the livingroom floor? Is that explotation?"

"No, mom! That's not explotation. Explotation has to be with robots, not toys."

"I don't know, it certainly looks like explotation around here."

"It's not explotation mom. It's just toys all over the floor."

"OK. How about cleaning them up? What would that be called."

"Boring."